In search of normal?

My life is not my own. I know that is true of everyone.  We think we are in control, but we aren't.  If we choose correctly then our driver, our guide is God.  I try to remember that. I try to live a life a service. For the most part I think I succeed.  I, like everyone else, am only human.  But there are times, not so often but still times when I just want to be normal.  I want to sit and talk about things that don't shape a life or have long lasting consequences.  Those things I laugh about and wonder "where a person even find the time to to that?"  In truth, the color of your eyeshadow or the new lipstick you found do not hold my attention. I would like to shadow a photographer and watch memories being made.  I would like to learn to smock or have time for needle point again.   I'd like to lay in front of the TV and watch HGTV all day so I might have a clue what people are talking about when they ask if I saw "......".  Normal. 


Normal is a thinking error.  Just as surely as perfect or lost.  All are not perfect and all are not lost and none are normal.  Our society believes we need to fit a neat mold, but I have no desire to be neat or tidy.


I just want peace.  I think of the end of "Miss Congeniality" when she, who mocked the silliness of people, said sincerely, "I really do want world peace".  I really do want peace.  Perhaps more than most, but likely just like my neighbor. 


I want cheerful helpers. I want sweet conversations. I want a clean house (well, that might be a MIRACLE).  I want that "put together" peace that comes from going to bed with everything 'done".  People talk about that, do you think they're lying?  Can everything really be done?  My reply is always, "Who said it all had to be done?"  It's a joke,but seriously, is "all done" even realistic?  WHO does that? 


I whined to Scott yesterday that 10 years ago I was "normal", crazy mom of a bunch of kids, but I still felt like I could conquer the world. I didn't feel abnormal. I felt like I could slide into a conversation and disappear.


Today I find there is no normal. I have kids who are incredibly tough, I have kids who require incredible modifications and while I know other people struggle too? I am not normal anymore.  I want plain old problems. I want the biggest argument to be with  a child over a shirt they're wearing to school.  I want that kind of normal. 


And while I'm on a roll, I want the miracles too.  I want my children to be grateful, thankful, appreciative...NOT that I adopted them(why oh why do "normal" people think my kids would appreciate that?  If anything it has made a couple mad, as though I took them from a loving nurturing home! But, the kind I want?  I want the them to see the value of my loving them, and know that I chose to care for them, thankful that I consider their likes when I cook meals and drive an endless taxi, that I put their needs before mine (not out of martyrdom but out of love). I want that appreciation and I really don't want to wait until their are all parents and feel bad they had no clue. I want it now....


That said....


I need a vacation...lol:)  Because none of those things will happen in my day to day life for a very long time.


I do have kids who understand. I have kids who care.  I know that.  But, those neat kids are living their own lives and not in my house 24/7 (its those still at home kiddos I bemoan).   


I had one teenager tell me yesterday, 'I HATE you!!!  I HATE this family."   Scott reminded me that there are some people who allow that kind of  "expression" and their kids turned out ok.  I can't think of any families who allowed disrespect and raised great Christians? 


I love Erma Bombeck.  I have several of her books and find her humor always right on the money.  I have read her quote....

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." 

I have read it but I never thought it really literal. Today? Today I find it very literal.  I think this life is going to take every single bit of talent I have.

I have decided today, after thinking about this "normal" topic that I am in agreement with Joe Ancis when he says....

"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well."

We all struggle, we all wonder where the "easy part" is.....I am very confident the easy part in not on this earth!!  No person is normal but all are unique. 

I am so very thankful that God gave me the opportunity to choose my destiny.  Me and my uniquely normal self are headed to Him:)