Choose well my child...

For some the thought of “who” they will spend their life with is not something they think of often and yet for others it’s serious concern. I think it should be both. You cannot spend your time dwelling on where that special person is, but neither can you not concern your future spouse.

I talked to Stuart a long time last night about just that subject (I might have been lecturing, sorry Stuart).

My father always said, “you can learn to love someone” and would stand by arranged marriages being successful and even loving. Not that he ever tried to arrange one, but he always talked about the commitment of marriage and that over time a person would begin to appreciate the value of their spouse and in turn love them. I, as an adult, can see that wisdom. I know that love is a conscious choice.  I also know about unconditional love, again it is truly a choice!

To the “I want someone who will make me happy” line I seriously don’t think “anyone” can make me happy. I chose to be that way! Marriage is about 5% love and 95% commitment (haha….no stats there…just my homegrown assumptions). You have to choose to be committed, to making your life work, to being happy with who you are, where you are and who you’re with. And you truly have to value the person you love. 

I know after nearly 25 years of marriage I love Scott so much more than I ever did 25 years ago. My devotion, my concern, my care, my love for him grows stronger each year. I sometimes wonder how we made it with less of an understanding all those years ago. Then I stop and realize…it was God. Much as a new Christian spends their immaturity in Christ, we did our youth in marriage. And as a Christian grows to require meat, we leave our milk fed relationship for things that give us more substance. Such is the way of life, of a Christian and a marriage..

But, I don’t think there is “one true love” waiting for you out there. I think in life we have lots of opportunities. There might be 20 people my children could love, be committed to and marry. Each of those 20 taking them down a different road. In our relationships we choose what seems best to us.

It isn’t enough to just find a Christian. For my Stuart? It has to be someone who wants to serve. As a youth minister he needs a very special helpmate. Not every “Christian” wants to live that life. Not that it makes them wrong Christians, just wrong for Stuart.

Caleb? He has wanderlust. He loves to travel and experience the world. A homebody, no matter how wonderful a Christian they are will not be best for him.

I could go on and on laying out my children and their personalities and desires for life. But, my point is this….

You live your life! You do what you enjoy if at all possible and you live fruitful, rich lives for God. But, as you live, keep in mind the qualities you want in that forever friend you will choose. If you find someone you like, but share no common value and interest with them, no bond of faith? Be their friend, but don’t choose them!

Don’t date anyone you would not consider marrying, know what you want. A spouse is a forever acquisition and you need to be very sure you fit well before taking them home!

Choose well my child and God will bless you always!!