All examples aren't good. But I have found that even the poor ones can be useful. Often proof, evidence of how things work out poorly is easier to talk about.
This morning I was telling Scott about a conversation I had with one of my teenagers yesterday. She was talking about a young single mom at church. This mom befriended my daughter but just doesn't really grasp the boundaries between being 15 and late twenties. As my teen repeated the things she had said, I corrected them....or rather brought to light the truth. It is sad. I told Scott I didn't really know how to tell her without hurting her feelings that she was sharing things she shouldn't with my teenager. Of course the opportunity to talk about how the young single mom did it all wrong/does things wrong is my poor example. This young mom is sweet, she is kind, she is nice, she is a Christian, but when she talks about boyfriends, her child's father, her house or other issues that are not age appropriate.....I DO use those conversations as examples to talk about morality, choosing boyfriends, living independently, and whining. Scott said, "Perhaps you can just tell her if she knew what a great example she gave you to talk about life then she probably wouldn't share nearly as many things!" True.
I find that today, more then ever, there are seemingly more negative (poor examples) than good. I search for the good. I seriously search. I can remember as a teenager, those negative life choices were rare! They were huge examples because not many people were making them. Today, today it is just the opposite!
But we moms use what we have and I will continue to do so.....sad or not ....it's life, and there is a GOOD way to life it!!!
I so agree. When I was growing up, the single teen mom was the exception - not the rule. They lived at home with their wiser, older parents and they worked hard to finish school and WORK to support themselves so they wouldn't always be living at home - or with the latest boyfriend. Older, single moms (like 20s-30s) were divorced and working very, very hard to raise their kids and meet their financial needs. None of them, to my recollection, talked about personal matters to younger kids, unless it was to impress upon them how NOT to get into that situation. I think way too much is taken for granted these days under the guise of "not being judgemental". Everyone is afraid of being labeled as such when we are entitled to our opinions just as much as everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWe had a situation where a teacher at my daughters school was confiding in my daughter (then 16) about her divorce, stalker ex-husband, new boyfriends, new tattoos - the whole package. I thought it was incredibly inappropriate and did tell the teacher I did not want her discussing such things with my daughter. It didn't stop. She thought I was over reacting. The administration thought otherwise.
I always hope the "learning" going on during these encounters is positive and not making my kids think its ok to live saturated in all this drama and angst.