speed bumps and barricades

I told Scott that Sam needed LOTS of speed bumps in his life.  His paths need to look a lot like this:

It seems he starts down a path and he builds up steam (as in bad choices) and at some point there has to be bumps, anything to slow him down!  And some times?  Sometimes a plain old barricade is in really good order!

Scott and I place the speed bumps.  We try to keep them consistently separated and spaced to allow for forward progress, but slow forward movement!!

There are times we have to throw up a barricade.  That path, that road, the avenue CLOSED to Sam.

Day before yesterday I sent Mercedez to pick up middle school tutoring.  I watched her park the car and immediately get out hands flying as she yelled (I could not hear it but it looked like yelling) at Sam.  Sam was smiling.  Why?  As she pulled into the driveway he was riding his bike and sped out in front of her moving vehicle so he could do a donut.  He was showing off with NO regard that she might have run over him!  So I threw up the can't go back outside today road block.  Sadly, speed bumps and barricades don't stop anyone who decides to go around them.  But, they are there in an effort to promote safety. 

As I walked to the car last night after Seth's game with the boys, Sam asked again about getting his permit.  I simply said "not now Sam."  He began yelling in the parking lot, people all around, kids walking quickly to the car.  So I dialed Scott (who was traveling) and told him the issue in 3 sentences, then handed the phone to Sam.  Scott  threw the road block up for me.  It is hard to redirect Sam in his moments, but Dad did a good job.  Not sure what he said exactly, but it worked.

Today he got very mad because he wanted a facebook account.  I explained that I wanted a lot of things but I wouldn't get all the things i wanted.  He said, "But you already have the things I want!"  I asked what he wanted that I had.  He replied, "A Cell Phone, a Driver's Licence and a Facebook account!"  I laughed a bit because I couldn't help it.  I told Sam that I was 35 before I had a cell phone and I was 40 before I had a facebook account and I did get my drivers licence at 16, but I was a really well behaved kid who greatly respected my parents.   He just wants it ALL today and he should not have to earn any of it!!  Sam feels, "You just don't want me to have anything!!"  I would call that deflecting, as in not assuming ownership with an extremely heavy dose of false entitlement.

The speed bump thought made me think of Sam's pediatric psychiatrist.  He always tells Sam, "This medicine with give you a little longer fuse, a small amount of time to think, but it will not make good choices for you."

Sam needs those bumps and barricades, but they still will not help him make good choices.  A person has to "want to" to choose well.