eating, talking and dancing

I had someone ask me this week what I did when I went out to eat with all the kids..  She said, "When I go our we have to stop at several places to get every ones food" So her question was "what do you do when your children all want to want a different place? "   I suppose I have been parenting too long or perhaps I just  don't care as much about my children's "happiness" as some?  I think eating out, anywhere, is a treat.  But the line I draw is a simple one....  I'm paying, Dad's paying, WE choose.  We do actually consider our children's feelings but often it is about a good deal (like McDonald's dollar burgers or Papa John pizza over Pizza Hut because it's cheaper).  I told this mom that and I also told her, "When my children have their own money they can eat wherever they want."  And I mean that.  BUT, just because you happen to have a $5 with you doesn't mean you will get to drive through somewhere.....it just means you have $5. Unless we have lots of time and it is decided in advance....you eat where I eat or you can always have a peanut butter sandwich when we get home.

This morning a facebook friend posted this....

So I'm going off about parenting a lot. I'm just hearing A LOT about our kids making bad choices, REALLY bad choices. "Good" kids. Christian families. I think we are too worried about being our kids friends that we've quit being a parent. Do you know what they are getting on their phones? What they are tweeting? Texting? Do you know people all over town didn't think your daughter's dress was cute for Santa Switch, but can't figure out why you'd let her go out like that? Do you know their phone is in your name & if naked pictures of teens are on there, you can be prosecuted for child porn? Purity - parents. We'd better start screaming it!

Humm...unusual in this day and age.  It reminded me of a conversation Scott, Lita and I had with a nurse in the ER this week.....

                                                           

I had my iPhone and we had been there a long time.  Lita and I pulled up Netflix and were watching The Last Avatar when the nurse came in to take her vitals.  The nurse began to lecture Lita about not having her phone in a case.  I have the commuter series cover not the  "go to war" one.  Lita was kind of lost as the woman went on...she didn't realize the nurse was even directing the comments to her really.  But Scott and I did.  I cut in and said, "It's my phone.  Lita does not have one." She smiled, and said something about phones (a negative comment). I went on to explain my thoughts on phones. I explained that none of our children had Internet capabilities and that two girls did have phones, but both were restricted lines who could only text and call numbers of our choosing (and only 20 at that).  She said, "That is really good.  I guess I'm just the kind that if everyone has one I don't want my kids to be left out."  The first thing I thought of was my momma.  I cannot tell you how many times my momma said, ".....and if everyone is jumping off the bridge are you going to too?"  I feel that way.  SO WHAT what everyone is doing....WHO CARES if everyone has one.....THAT is not the thing to be concerned about!  My child's life? Their health (mental and physical)?  And lets not forget thier very SOUL!!  My response was "I understand" to the nurse. I do. Sadly, I totally get that parents today cannot say no.  Even sadder to me is that this is the same nurse who last time I saw her in the ER spent 20 minutes talking to me about how to get mental health services for her teenager who was in all kinds of trouble......  Humm.....a clue? A hint? Nope. Apparently not.  Not to her anyway. To me?  A HUGE GIANT banner floating through my brain that says, "You do not desire that life"  I don't.  

I so very much understand the facebook comment about "good" kids making bad choices.  You know, good kids have been making bad choices for a very long time.  Its just that in my generation the parents didn't give you the opportunity....kids found it themselves.  In truth, it was a whole lots easier for parents to likely deal with their children's poor choices....the parents didn't have anything to do with them!!  (of course I am generalizing!)  Today, kids have everything they desire and more.  They watch TV that is impure, they carry cameras to catch every single indiscretion, they have phones to call anyone and everyone, and they have immediate and free messaging.....kids today get into more trouble simply by making quick non-thought motivated decisions.  We often call those poor ones.  In my day, I had to sit down and write a note if I wanted to send it to someone.....do you know how many I threw away? How many I rewrote? How many I forgot to send? How many I am thankful never went to the intented person?  Today? Today kids don't think until it is often too late. 

Why Why Why?

Scott and I were talking a few days ago about a little girl who is seemingly very sweet.  We both like her.  Her family has been at church with us for many many years.  Scott (who keeps youth group rolls) said, "I don't remember when she's been to class."  The same is true of activities, she's not there either.  I told him of a picture I saw a year or more ago of the child laying across a chair with an iPhone.  The mother posted it and made a comment like "This is all....... does"  This mother was simply making a comment, not complaining at all.  At the time it shot red flags to me, and after my conversation with Scott I thought of it again....That child had/has opportunity but I am doubting she ever acts on it. I am doubting her parents ever expect anymore from her than they do and I know they are extremely proud of the person she is. I do think she will be sweet ......sweet and worldly ......a sad commentary so often of the "good kids" we see today.

There are way to many whys ....in most situations.  I'm old.  I say that often but in truth, it really does change my perspective on so much of life.  I am not concerned with a lot of the things other people are concerned about.  I am the not cool mom.  I am so not cool I can read that facebook comment and go one step further....My children do not go to Santa Switch (a Sadie Hawkins dance).  I am not worried about what they did or what they wore.  I am glad I didn't have any boys there to see inappropriate dresses.  But I wasn't worried about it.  I can pull up pictures all day long and even if I had kids who wanted to be there??  They sure can hang with my logic (even if they wanted to be there). That's protecting my kids (hahahahah.....well, that is our hope).

I am thankful that our youth minister has an alternative....he has a fun night called "Dig and Dine".  The  kids all went to Good Will and picked out very special (aka....very funny) outfits that they then wore to dinner.  It was a funny night and a good night for them.  A good alternative.

Tasha had  an event the cheerleaders helped with so she couldn't Dig and Dine....she and her cheerleader buddy went to eat with the girls going to Santa Switch and then they went home to watch movies:)

I am so thankful Tasha could go and eat and enjoy time with her friends, but not once question not going.  It is what it is and I LOVE kids who get it.  It is nice to see understanding (even if you force it).....Isn't that how life will be forever? We will have to make choices.  We will have to choose between things that might not be truly sinful, just not best. Well, we may not be faced with that forever..... just until eternity:)

We, often,  make this life  for our children so much more complicated than it needs to be!

Whether it be eating, talking or dancing:)