I think I can.....

I had a session with Sam yesterday morning.  I went sat and talked first with the counselor.  Sam is "OK" but not making any positive progress. I suppose the best thing to say is that he isn't backsliding, well not too much.  He did punch a hole trough the Sheetrock two weeks ago and this week turned his room upside down (the bed and all).  He is using foul language and he's fighting.  Pretty safe to say positive progress is not happening. 

It is super hard to be a "Pollyanna" when faced with the facts.  We talked a long time in counseling about the things that "may not" happen when he comes home and the things that "may".  In truth, Sam cannot really grasp the significance between the two.  We did write down scenarios and situations, we talked about them and problems solved, but in the end Sam still has a hard time ever actually using any of the tools we have equipped him with. 

Sam left with me and is home for a weekend pass. We drove to Nashville to pick up my little brother Matthew who flew in for a weekend of rafting and camping with buddies.  On the way Sam talked and talked. At one point he paused mid story to ask me, "Hey, whats the name of that guy and girl who started everything?"  I was puzzled and questioned, "What guy and girl?"  Sam quickly replied, "You know, the guy and girl who started the whole earth."  I sighed and said, "Do you mean Adam and Eve?".  He replied "yep" and kept on talking.   I wanted to stop the presses, roll back the minutes, have a mini sermon and class on reality, a talk about creation!  But, Sam is 15 years old (well, on 9/4 he will be) and he has spent the last NINE years with us talking about God, going to church, studying his Bible....if he doesn't get it? And I think it's safe to say he doesn't, I only frustrate him to correct him constantly.  Now, do I plan to have a big family open talk about creation before he leaves? Yep, I do.  Will it change his thoughts or enlighten him? Doubt it.

In light of Sam returning home, and he will be this month, I am already weary. I am already tired.  Sam has not changed, Sam (imho) cannot change.  I want to blame a birth mom, I want to blame a system that allows people to be stupid, I want to blame freewill (because that mom certainly used up her freewill when she damaged this child)....but in the end....blame has no place.  Prayer?  It WILL make a difference, if it is God's will.  I need to redirect my thoughts. I need to pray that God's will and mine are the same for this child.

We talked a lot in session about self talk.  Talking to yourself really doesn't make you crazy, in fact it can save you from crazy behavior!  I need to spend more time in self talk about useful ways to make a difference in my tough kids rather than spending it casting blame.   Positive things?  Prayer is the greatest.

Self talk begins with a whole lot of 'I CAN' statements, seriously I use I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me  A LOT!

I AM GOING TO____.   I seem to usually do what I tell myself I'm going to do:)

Or even the I AM A CHRISTIAN _______.  It sure does temper my thoughts and my behaviors.  I AM what I think!!!

Good grief, I grew up reading the little engine that could.. I THINK I CAN... I THINK I CAN.......self talk at its greatest!!

Confucius said, "The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large."     I  really like that guy!

 So if you see me talking to myself?  It really is a good thing!!!  lol:)