I try really hard to not live with regret. I try to not linger on regret. So I rarely think about what if's. I also try to not wish my life away (or that of my children). I try to not spent to much time planning my "childless" years. Oh sure I know that in roughly 2532 days, not that I'm counting or anything, I will have all my children graduated from high school. I will be able to sit somewhere (like above) with Scott. I will be able to climb in his truck when he heads out of town with him when he leaves. I will be able to get in the van and go visit grandchildren and children of my own choosing...when I want not when I can. Currently the hardest part of my life is the "I wish" parts. This weekend Sarah and Paden are in Georgia at Chelsea and Bo's...they texted me the picture below...I want to be there too!!
At this point in my parenting I cannot be away. Well, Scott can be away and I can be away (with big time re-enforcement while Scott is working) but we cannot be away together. This weekend I wanted so badly to be in Atlanta. Presley is having tests next week and has been sick. I wanted to be there. I suppose I will get to go at some point but I can truthfully say I am extremely sad that I have children (teenagers I cannot trust) that I cannot leave with unsuspecting adults. And truthfully I don't know many combat ready mommas who are not already busy! My grown boys would help, but all recognize the deceit and ridiculousness and will not really step forward (because they know this bunch of kids) unless absolutely necessary. I can leave Sarah and I could leave Chelsea if she were here....but it defeats the "go visit" them to have that happen.
I am trapped as surely as any criminal. The sentence? At least that next 2532 days. Then I imagine a bunch will need intervention but at least they will be adults!
We have one fellow in counseling right now. Stealing and Truthfulness the issues of the day. Scott said, "He's a good kid. We could just turn our heads and ignore the issues. He'd probably make it to adulthood. But when he went to jail for doing wrong he wouldn't understand why. At least now, he will know right from wrong and he will understand trust and respect....he may not choose it, but he will not be ignorant." Yes, but still so exhausting!! I don't enjoy this part of life. I don't enjoy being smarter than my silly kids....LOL:) Well, it is amusing very often, but seriously!!!!
Is ignorance bliss??
If it were I would be planning a trip to a lake with my sweetheart and sitting beside him talking about.....well, I have no idea what we would talk about if I had no issues with kids? I suppose the trees and and birds!
Life IS good, we are all healthy and we are all able. I will not complain (but I can whisper....I sure wish my kiddos would get their acts together!).
aww i hope presley's feeling better soon <3
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing to hear you describe it as a jail sentence - because my mind slips into that line of thinking from time to time (and I thought it was just me :)). There was a long period of time where I felt we were being held hostage in our own home due to the issues/behaviors. We HAD to homeschool several due to the many, many school issues and I while I always loved the "idea" of homeschooling, these were not kids who wanted to learn and actively fought me every inch of the way. I have only one in home school this year and she's very good at looking busy so that's part of the battle, but she still has way too much time on her hands. The one I sent back to school this year because he refused to do school work for me is getting into loads of trouble and going down hill fast so I don't have much hope for him staying in school. Part of me gets so frustrated over this, but another part understands that this is just a season that will pass (eventually). I hate that I am missing out on things with my older kids because of the few who feel they can control the rest of us. Leaving the challenging kids with unsuspecting folks is just not an option. Even when you clearly warn these people, they just don't see it and it is a disaster waiting to happen.
ReplyDeleteAs far as counseling goes... I don't think any of our kids can truthfully say that they don't know any better than to steal or lie. They don't need counselors to tell them that. They KNOW they are choosing poorly, but whether its impulse control or the jolt of adrenaline they get from stealing/lying, it will end up being their decision. I just don't give privledges to kids who cannot control themselves and choose wisely - that looks different from child to child.
I hope Presley is feeling well soon! That picture of Lily Kate smiling at Chelsea is precious!