The longer I parent the heavier some burdens become. Dealing with tough kids is .....well, not surprisingly....tough! It's also sad. I cant think of a better word. Sad pretty much sums it all up.
About the time I think we have hit a new pinnacle of "incredibleness" someone decides to up the crazy.. I have spent all Fall with increasing muck.
I occasionally blog all my thoughts and name names! And then flip it to "draft" to rest there forever. It just seems best. I once began a new private blog called "somedays the dragon wins" but I rarely blog there with hard things.....I can just see my children, following my death, reading my frustrations and it changing how they feel about me. So, bless his long suffering heart, Scott is my verbal blog! He's actually a very good one:) His comments are spot on and he understands my frustration too.
We currently have three kiddos in out of home placement. All three are floundering. Even though they aren't home they take up so much of our time. This week I went to talk to one administrator about one of my guys who is close.....turns out I had no idea what all was going on! <sigh> The words, "We have held off calling you for about 3 weeks now, but we are about as the point of just saying he has to come home." Behavior is apparently poor and the words "We never had these problems with you." followed his concerns. That is so very heavy!!!!!!! When I sit in the office of administrators it is with great humbleness and sadness. I need them! I need all my kids in school. When he says the consequence of not getting this under control is that I will have a teenager (a tough tough tough teenager) at home with ME! Well, frankly it moves into urgent and hard.
I have another who has said, "I will never ever change and since I won't I should just come home." I want to laugh (not funnily) and ask why on earth they think that makes me want to bring them home?? I did not laugh. I cried. And then wrote a serious loving letter about choices and choosing. Heavy stuff.
I sit through counseling session after session. I am tried of tough kids. I think I can say that and not sound to terrible. Scott and I have had about 10 years of serious counseling involving our kids. I know what is expected of me. I often wonder how ignorant and dumb would work out for me....but I suppose I'd be at the jail visiting kids instead of offices with counselors. I am thankful for the help. I can honestly say I have grown greatly over the years.
I can also say, I struggle with criticism. I struggle with being cut down. I have given my life, thus far 25 years to parenting. I love my family....it is ALL I do. I work hard to be what I need to be and negativity is just not cool.
I had someone in MY house this week tell my if they lived here my children would not leave lights on. They went on the belittle my "light turning off skills". I am very obviously on edge with turning off the lights can frustrate me! I can say, truthfully and seriously, I have never ever ever said anything like that to anyone else. I might have shared parenting advice, given my experiences as the example.....but never told someone I could do a better job than they could parenting. Heavy stuff.
All that heavy weighs me down. So this is my vent and then I hope to shrug off some weight.
I hope it helped :)
ReplyDeleteI seriously understand the mental exhaustion that comes with trying to parent kids who just (for whatever reason) refuse to change. I say refuse, because you find yourself doing all the work, while they treat you like a schmuck for caring. I also say refuse because they can plainly articulate the problems you see and acknowledge them and yet state that they are just fine how they are and have no intention of changing. When a few of my challenging kids were young, I saw it as stubborness. It has gone so far beyond that though.... Watching them take the wrong path is frustrating. I have cried in grief and anger over their choices, and yet they belong to them. It seems like it affects me too much - I am too emotionally invested in their success.
It is really way too easy to criticize what we don't know. At this point I think I would laugh at that person and tell them that turning off the lights is the least of my concerns!
I had a similar week. Praying for us both. I understand tired.
ReplyDeletewhat show was it that the middle sisters famous line was,
ReplyDelete"how rude!!" ?
i am thinking it was stephanie tanner on full house.
i think that would have been appropriate here.
i would also be tempted to mail her my next light bill.
guess they stay constantly stressed out over every little detail, mercy, pick your battles would be a good quote on their walls.
That person, with the light switch fixation, wouldn't last two weeks living in your house. S/he'd leave, apologetically, feeling like a failure for not having the inner strength to maintain love and inner peace through the trials your kids put you through.
ReplyDeleteA funny way to respond to his/her comment about living at your house? "No thanks, we're not hiring at the moment." Hee hee.
I'm almost caught up on your blogs! I've got one more month to go till I am current! Blame my hours and hours of reading on five days of having sick kids home from school, asleep in bed...